Stop Feeling Sorry For Me Because I’m Single

Stop Feeling Sorry For Me Because I'm Single

Feel sorry for me because I’m broke.
Feel sorry for me because when I get stressed, my right eyebrow falls out.
Feel sorry for me because I have an unhealthy obsession with beer.

But please, do not feel sorry for me because I’m single, be JEALOUS!!!

That’s right, that’s what I said.

Be jealous of my freedom, freedom to make my own decisions.
Be jealous of my great ass, I didn’t let myself go because I met someone.
Be jealous of my shaved legs, that’s right, I still shave!!

The funniest thing about my being single is my friends, no, they aren’t attempting to set me up constantly with this fella or that fella. (Why is that, exactly?) If my friends see me talking to a guy, any guy, they start with the whispering, “Oh look, Laura is over there all flirty style, look at Laura go.” All I am actually doing is borrowing a lighter, or talking about my shoes or my unhealthy obsession with my eyebrows. I am not trying to make dates with the men that I’m talking to.

I just need to make a comment to all the married ladies out there. I agree that when you are in love, you wish that everyone around you was in the same boat. You want everyone to be as “happy” as you are claiming to be. Sadly, I don’t believe that you are as happy as you say you are. I know for a fact that many of you miss the single life you once had, you miss the freedom, you miss being broke with one eyebrow, and I know you do. You miss having a reason to shave your legs, paint your toenails and brush your hair. You miss sitting on a toilet without a toddler screaming “Mommy” every thirty seconds, and you miss being able to fart in the living room. Admit it!!!

One day I’ll get married again, I’m sure of it.. Until then, I’m going to stare at my one eyebrow, shave my legs and fart in the living room.

34 thoughts on “Stop Feeling Sorry For Me Because I’m Single

  1. YES! YES! YES! Could not have said it better myself. As much as I’d like to have a boyfriend, I’m having an amazing experience dating that as horrible as it seems sometimes I’m loving it deep down, and when I am a (hopefully) happily married woman I will look back on my dating days and smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahahahaha. I think I peed myself a little I laughed so hard. As a man, I feel exactly the same. People have a hard time watching people live life on their own terms.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My right eye gets twitchy when I’m stressed so I’m relieved that stickies are now popular on pictures. I can cover it up with no one noticing. Except for the fact that the picture is at night, in a club and I’m all dressed up in my LBD with a pair of fluorescent green cat glasses on. Could happen.

    P.S. You shave your legs!?

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I laughed at the humor but I am a male that has it all alone “PLUS A little Girl” to raise that keeps me on the straight and narrow. I do not need to check into hotels or anything of that nature since my home is Paid Off my Car is Paid Off and all thats left is doing what we want with my little girl. We each cook after she took cooking lessons in school. The healthy part is we do our exercises and walks or short runs to stay in tip top shape to look or feel great! She is open to everything… and so far everything is wonderful for us. Of course I feel the loneliness at times.. however, that feeling fades. My past memories are with me when I am trying to decide what is fun to do each day. Even my travels for work.. my little girl comes with me and she strives to be independent working hard at anything I ask of her (Her becoming her) .. So Yes, We are Happy at everything and even sharing what is mine and she tells me it is always going to be us no matter what. I am really happy you are having the time of your life “Single” to do with no questions like Us. Its what makes you live for .. and smile with yourself …. doing it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love this post. And I’m feeling the same weird pressure to *want* to be in a relationship. I’m not totally against the idea of being coupled, but it doesn’t hold up against the total freedom that I feel right now. I wonder why the idea of being happily single freaks people out. Hmm.

    Is it always the right eyebrow? That’s curious. Subtle eyebrow pencil application can work wonders — but you probably already knew that if you are eyebrow-obsessive. 🙂


  6. I’m a needy (as in needing to be part of a pair) person….I’m lost on my own – but I absolutely loved this post! Made me laugh (out loud!) #brilliant 😀 x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ha! I love this! The eyebrow is cracking me up. Half of my right eyebrow fell out after washing my face one day, and I screamed – my doctor swore that my chemo would allow me to keep my eyebrows. I kept 1 1/2. After that, I obsessed too – how can I make that half eyebrow a “thing?” 😉
    Love your perspective on single life.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Stop Feeling Sorry for Me Because I’m Married! | Boomerang Zone

  9. And please continue doing this even after you get married, otherwise, you married the wrong person. “Until then, I’m going to stare at my one eyebrow, shave my legs and fart in the living room.”

    Liked by 1 person

Yell at me here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.