If I Was Married Fifty Years

If I Was Married Fifty YearsI’ve scrubbed more shit skids out of a grown man’s underwear than I care to imagine.

I’ve seen a man throw up, walk into walls and stumble his ass into bed.

I’ve seen him refuse to go to the doctor’s, for the simplest thing, to the point it drives a person insane.

I’ve seen him acting like a total baby over every cold, allergy season, and when he’s watching the Superbowl.

I’ve seen him hold his first child in his arms and seen the wonder in his eyes when that baby grabs his finger.

I’ve watched him teach this child a billion things, from fishing to shaving.

We have been richer and poorer, we have been better and worse.

If I was married fifty years, I would want him to have a charming and adorable sense of humour. I would want him to comfort me, and make me feel safe. I would make him feel needed, I would make sure that he knew he was the most important person in my life. More than my children, more than my parents, my man is first.

If I was married fifty years, I’m close to burying my husband or he is about to bury me.

About friggin time too.


52 thoughts on “If I Was Married Fifty Years

  1. I didn’t realize this was going to be humorous by the title…and I’m one of those lucky one’s whose husband is their sole mate (the second one, at least), so I have to admit I was a little surprised by the ending! I can see the ha ha though! jodie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My parents were married for 54 years and that was their second marriages. The first three decades were not easy for both of them. My dad cheated on my mother more than once. My mother cheated on my dad at least once causing me to suspect he might not be my biological dad because of the timing and the fact that I’m about a foot taller than him. My dad was an alcoholic and a gambler, but he held a steady job and always paid the bills except for the one time he took off for a 9-month drunk and my mom lost a house that was paid for because she didn’t have enough money to pay the property tax.

    About the time dad retired, he also stopped drinking and womanizing. Then the last 24 years of their marriage was calm and peaceful. Dad helped with the cleaning, the laundry, and the cooking all 54 years. He died a decade before my mother and all she could talk about after he was gone was how depressed she was because he wasn’t there. She missed him. He had been a part of her life for a long time and when compared to her life before him, that marriage was an improvement.

    My mother was molested by her father between 12 to 14, when she ran away from home, and abused again by her first husband who offered, without her permission, her to his friends if they wanted to have sex with her. She was 7 months pregnant with my older brother at the time and had the flu when she heard him tell his Navy friends to do whatever they wanted with her, so she took my sister, who was four, and climbed out the bedroom window to escape being raped with permission from her 1st husband.

    My dad, the gambling, cheating drunk never did that. Instead, he treated her gently and defended her with his fists if needed. I was there when he knocked my older brother out for calling mother the “F” word before the “B” word because she wouldn’t give him a few dollars to go out and party. My brother was 16 at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

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