Don’t Be A Cheap Prick

fall-163496_1280I’m cheap, I like to save money because I want to spend it all on beer. All of it, every single dime I make wants to land at the beer store. I find that my cheapness often leads me down a dangerous path.

Car repairs. Sure, anyone can do brakes in their back yard, why pay full price for brakes? Actually, no, not everyone can do brakes. Apparently, some mechanics can’t even do brakes. Save five hundred on brakes, pay seven hundred in repairs to fix it… Guess what? You still need new brakes.

Tires. Sure, buy cheap tires, tires aren’t an important safety feature of your car. Any ole tires will do. Bonus points if you find them in a field. Free!!!

Clothing. Sure, you can buy cheap clothing and pull your underwear up every five minutes. Your boobs fall out of your bra and the seam is coming out of your shirt. Now your boobs are falling out of both your bra and your shirt. (Free drinks!!!)

Furniture. Why spend money on a decent sofa or mattress when you can break your back on a cheap one for the rest of your life. Chiropractor waiting rooms are a fun way to meet other broken-down people. Just think of the pain killers you can get hooked on!!!

Food. Sure ramen is 25 cents. It’s filling. What’s high blood pressure? Who cares? High blood pressure pills are two dollars each. Or you can drop dead, dropping dead is cheap.

Cosmetics and hair products. Sure, who cares? Five years of cheap cosmetics and hair products and you’ll look 150 years old, or older. Don’t worry, you’re about to drop dead from high blood pressure anyways, so what’s the difference?

It’s only money, spend it. Buy all the things. ALL THE THINGS.

Don't Be A Cheap Prick

62 thoughts on “Don’t Be A Cheap Prick

  1. Yeah I have started doing my own plane repairs because they are so damn expensive who care I can’t even fix a car planes ✈️ are probably easier right ?

    Just kidding but brakes are very simple now a days and my car is 1200$ versus 120 self so I do my own but I started doing car stuff when I was 14 and had instruction from a very angry man and everyone knows angry 😡 people make the best teachers 🤔😬


  2. LOL

    Beer – volume or connoisseur?

    For my brother it was volume.

    For me, it is maybe two or three a year if I have someone to share one bottle with, and that beer will be dark and bitter or one brand brewed by Trappist monks at the Abbey of Orval, a 885-year-old monastery nestled in a valley in the Ardennes mountain range in the Gaume region of Belgium.

    Have you sampled a bottle of St. Bernardus Abt12?

    I don’t drink beer to get drunk. Gave that up in 1982 and haven’t had even a buzz since.

    Why care about brake jobs and tires if you want to check out early?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. But ramen is sooooo tasty! 😀

    Is it really $25 where you live? Or is that just for the really nasty flavored ones? The good Japanese ones were always more than a pound in London.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. My step-son was recently stuck here for a month and a half with a broken old car (a ’93). nearly half that time was spent trying to fix it himself, studying YouTube vids about the ignition system, fuel injection system, computer, and running back an forth to the parts store (Me driving a rental because my car was down too, a 40 mile round trip.) and getting it almost working. Finally, when it just got worse, it was towed to the mechanic who had to consult with a transmission specialist (sounds like doctors, doesn’t it) who advised that it would cost more to just diagnose the tranny than the car was worth. Finally, he let the old beast go to junk and bought one younger and got on his way.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hahaha, I think you perfectly described my super cheap aunt there (minus the beer – don’t want to get too expensive there if you can just drink tap water or roam around town prying on other people’s coffee). Joke’s on her, though. After she dies her kids will just laugh all her hoarded money away.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I spent a fortune keeping my ’98 Durango running, year after year, because I was too cheap to want a car payment. I finally broke down and got a 2017 (Star Wars Edition) Nissan Rogue, in May. 69 days later a 16 yo driving a stick took a corner too wide and plowed into the front of my investment.

    Now I have a car payment and a rental.

    Sometime in September I’m to get my Rogue back, good as new. I hope so, since hundreds of dollars worth of beer money was auto-deducted from my bank account today, to pay for the car I do not have.

    The moral of the story is don’t let your 16 yo child drive a stick. Or don’t fall in love with a new car, because that’s asking for trouble. Or keep your old car and save your money for beer.

    I don’t know what the moral was. Is it 5 o’clock yet?

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You could give a course on Best Post Titles. Scrolling down my reader, your titles leap out at me and I hit the brakes, every time 🙂
    And in case you’re wondering, yes, as you can tell from the brakes metaphor, I did read the whole post 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Good thing I don’t have a beer problem but I have a coffee problem. I am frugal and you’d probably hate my life or cry if you walked in my shoes. I buy “cheap” shampoo and cheap chocolate bars. No shame. My life is still the same and the Earth didn’t stop rotating.

    Spoiler alert: I didn’t die from the knock-off chocolate bars that actually taste amazing. There’s forums about these questionable Turkish imports, so I know I haven’t gone crazy.

    Thanks Dollarama for your delicious 2 for $1 Meteor “Mars” bars. And Aussie shampoo is the best. Mark Anthony can’t even compete with Aussie. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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